by Misti Hall, M.S
Often times I here from others that it must be much easier discovering that your spouse is gay and having an affair with a man vs. being straight and having an affair with a woman. Well, professionally and personally speaking, this is not true. There is no solace in finding out your husband has had an affair with a man instead of a woman.
I am not discounting infidelity in any relations. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of trust a couple may experience. Then add on top of the betrayal a discovery that your husband is Gay. It makes the whole situation more complicated. Thus, for most Straight Spouses it adds more layers of complication and grief to work through. This type of discovery (finding out that our husband/mate is Gay) changes who you are...how you define yourself...how you see yourself...and brings on a level of shame and guilt that is hard to describe, unless you have experienced it.
Not only do Straight Wives deal with infidelity.....they usually walk into the closet with their Gay husband/partner. To many outsiders it seems like a "no-brainer".....your husband is Gay, so separation should be more simple.
If only that was the case! It is not simple. So, if you are a Straight Spouse and you feel abnormal the next time you hear, "Oh, it must be easier because your husband cheated with a man"...please understand they have not experienced your situation.
Dear Straight Wives you DO NOT have to discount your pain, your frustration, your grief, your emotions, etc. This is a very pain situation....a crisis at best. For all others, please be extra cautious when trying to discount some one's pain. It doesn't make the person feel better...let them feel their pain and as a friend, practice being a listener for them.
Misti Hall, M.S., is a Life Coach, Educator and Author. She is an expert in Straight Spouse issues.