Definition of Terms
Here is a reference that gives brief definitions of words related to specific topics,
some of which are discussed on this site.
Support for Families & Friends of LGBT Individuals
Terms Relating To Jargon Used in Gay Communication and On Gay Hook Up Websites
When you did your research, you may have come across some terms and jargon that may be entirely foreign to you. It is important to note that if you research gay hook up sites to find evidence of your spouse's same sex activities, you may not understand some of the jargon.
Well, here we will try to enlighten you on some of the terms you may see on your husband's dating site profiles,
in text messages, emails, instant messages, or even hear in his conversations with other men.
Well, here we will try to enlighten you on some of the terms you may see on your husband's dating site profiles,
in text messages, emails, instant messages, or even hear in his conversations with other men.
One woman related a voice mail message left on her husband's answering service by a brother from his church. He had been to her home several times and was like family, so she never even imagined that he and her husband were having secret sexual liaisons.
Voice Mail Recording: 'I am really hungry right now and I was wondering if the fish and chips still there. I really want to come over and eat some food, because I am tired of vanilla ice cream.' She said that she just chuckled to herself because even though she had made or bought fish and chips in the past, she had no intention of making or buying any that day. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when someone at church showed her pictures of her husband and the same church brother, that made her really uncomfortable, with a lot of questions in her mind. She was shocked to see them looking like two gay men in love.
She was told to check out this site by someone who seemed to know something that she didn't quite grasp at the time... and after finding this website and this page she now understood what the message really meant...Looking back on so many other things like long affectionate embraces, exchanged glances and touches, long private and sometimes overheard, seemingly innocent conversations, she said she is feeling like a fool, as they were carrying on right under her nose and she didn't have a clue.
Knowing helps...get a clue! They take the time to learn how to communicate to fool you...Take the time to learn how to know what is been communicated...Be in the know..NOW.
Voice Mail Recording: 'I am really hungry right now and I was wondering if the fish and chips still there. I really want to come over and eat some food, because I am tired of vanilla ice cream.' She said that she just chuckled to herself because even though she had made or bought fish and chips in the past, she had no intention of making or buying any that day. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when someone at church showed her pictures of her husband and the same church brother, that made her really uncomfortable, with a lot of questions in her mind. She was shocked to see them looking like two gay men in love.
She was told to check out this site by someone who seemed to know something that she didn't quite grasp at the time... and after finding this website and this page she now understood what the message really meant...Looking back on so many other things like long affectionate embraces, exchanged glances and touches, long private and sometimes overheard, seemingly innocent conversations, she said she is feeling like a fool, as they were carrying on right under her nose and she didn't have a clue.
Knowing helps...get a clue! They take the time to learn how to communicate to fool you...Take the time to learn how to know what is been communicated...Be in the know..NOW.
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Active - person who takes the top position during sexual intercourse. AIDS Terrorist - Someone who is HIV+ that knowingly engages in unsafe sex.
Angel - passive person in a sexual relationship. 4-real - term for someone who wants a real and lasting relationship Ace gear - homosexual willing to try anything. A meal ticket - older man who shows affection for his younger male lover with gifts. Abdicate - Leave a public toilet because a vice squad officer or a toilet attendant comes in A/S/L - 'age, sex, location'. Used in online Internet chat. A word - AIDS, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Aaron's rod - another term for penis. Bicurious – A curiosity about having sexual relations with a same gender/sex person. Bisexual – A person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men and females/women. This attraction does not have to be equally split between genders and there may be a preference for one gender over others. Bare-Backing - Practicing anal sex without using a condom. Coming Out – May refer to the process by which one accepts one’s own sexuality, gender identity, or status as an intersexed person (to “come out” to oneself). May also refer to the process by which one shares one’s sexuality, gender identity, or intersexed status with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.). This can be a continual, life-long process for homosexual, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed individuals. Bug Chaser – A person who actively seeks to have HIV positive sex partners. Absolute code - The absolute code is that you do not expose a fellow homosexual to his straight friends, boss, or to the press. It is considered unfair to bring another gay or lesbian out. Abuse oneself - Masturbation. AC-DC - bisexual Ace gear - Accordion - A penis which becomes dramatically longer in length when aroused. AFAIK - "As Far As I Know". Alphabetical code used in gay ads and is used in online Internet chat. A sexually talented homosexual, one who is about to do everything. Anonymous sex - Sex between consenting adults who don't know each other and never exchange names or just first name or nick name only. BIMM – Bi-Sexual Married Male Bottom - submissive in a relationship. C – Christian Canadian - Uncircumcised penis. Can host - has own place or can find a place to meet Cannot host - Has no place or cannot find a place to meet CD – Cross Dresser CUL8R – See You Later CWYL – Chat with You Later C.B.H. - Can Be Had. Term used regarding cruising in a mixed environment such as upscale supermarket or mall, where there has been some eye contact between a gay man and another of either bi-sexual persuasion or even out with his family. [That one standing in the cereal section for the past 15 minutes is definitely a C.B.H.] Clean - disease free Cut – Having a circumcized penis In the Closet – Refers to a homosexual, bisexual, transperson or intersex person who will not or cannot disclose their sex, sexuality, sexual orientation or gender identity to their friends, family, co-workers, or society. An intersex person may be closeted due to ignorance about their status since standard medical practice is to “correct,” whenever possible, intersex conditions early in childhood and to hide the medical history from the patient. There are varying degrees of being “in the closet”; for example, a person can be out in their social life, but in the closet at work, or with their family. Also known as ‘Downlow” or ‘D/L.’ Cake Boy - homosexual man. Chicken - a younger gay man who looks for older men. Closet case - a homosexual who frequently worries about what others think if they reveal their lifestyle. Dehorn - To do the sex act after a long abstinence. Dirty gun - Venereal disease. Discreet - A promise not to mention your existence to others. It implies the person lives with others who do not know he is gay, and wants you to be careful in how you word any messages you leave. DL /Down low - Maintaining public appearances of being straight. Dogging - the practice of meeting people in know areas such as lay-bys, parking lots, etc. To watch, participate or show. Both heterosexual and gay participants. Dom - partner in a sexual relationships who likes controlling their partner. D/D Free – Drug- and Disease-Free (can also appear as DDF) – An abbreviation for drug and disease free. Easy make - A man that is easy to get to participate in a homosexual act. F2F - Face to Face Friend of Dorothy's - An expression that secretly indicates one as gay. Derived from the role Judy Garland played in the Wizard of Oz. Flipping - turning a dominant into a submissive or vice-versa. Fish & Chips - is Gay term for the wife and kids of a male lover. FWB – Friends with Benefits (No-string sex) 420 – Marijuana friendly |
Fishwife - The wife of a homosexual man.
Flinking - To date woman to prevent the suspicion of being homosexual. Friends with benefits - A friends someone that is not your lover, that you have a on going sexual relationship; that you only call on when you are looking for sex. Fruit-picker - A bisexual male that is basically heterosexual, who occasionally seek out homosexual sex partners. GMTA – Great Minds Think Alike Gaydar - slang term for the ability to identify other homosexuals. GTG – Got to Go GTSY – Good to See You Hirsute - another word for hairy (bodily) - see Bear. In the life - a person who announces their homosexuality and lives in a gay community. ILU – I Love You ILY – I Love You IMHO – In My Honest Opinion IMO – In My Opinion IRL – In Real Life ISO – In Search Of IWSN – I Want Sex Now Iron-Closet - Homosexual who denies that he is gay and will not admit even to himself. Jezebel - Unrestrained homosexual, uncontrollable desire by a man for sexual intercourse one that needs to have sex all the time. Jonesing for bone - Longing for and looking for gay sex. Lacy - extremely feminine gay male. LDR – Long-Distance Relationship LMIRL – Let’s Meet in Real Life LTR – Long-Term Relationship MBA - Married but available MBGM - married black gay male MWGM - married white gay male MCM – Married Christian Male MSM - Men seeking men, or Men who have sex with men MtF - Male-to-female transgendered Muscle Mary - a gay male who works out a lot at the gym - very muscular. MWC – Married With Children NB – No Baggage (children, ex-spouses) NIFOC – Nude in Front of Computer NSA Sex – No-Strings-Attached Sex OHAC - Acronym for "own home and car". OLL – Online Love OTP – On the Phone Outed - having someone else announce a person’s homosexuality before the individual can. PC lesbian - lesbian that acts politically correct in public and private. Play - sexual activity that takes the form of bondage or S&M. P – Professional (this means that he works in an office) PD Public Display of Affection Raw - sex without protection, no condoms allowed Rimming - to stimulate the anus by kissing, licking and penetration with ones mouth or tongue Same Gender Loving – A term sometimes used by members of the African-American / Black community to express an alternative sexual orientation Saturday Night Lesbian - woman who acts straight during the week. Scene - any type of unusual sexual activity. Snow queen - A coloured guy who prefers white guys. S & M - sadism and masochism sexual pleasure, derived from pain, toture, domination. SMIM – Send Me an Instant Message Straight-Acting – A term usually applied to gay men who readily pass as heterosexual. Submissive - someone who likes their partner to take control. Switch - person who acts as both a submissive and dominant and switches back and forth. SYS – See You Soon TDH – Tall, Dark, and Handsome TD2M – Talk Dirty To Me TIAIL – Think I Am In Love Top - dominant person in a sexual relationship. Uncut – Uncircumsized Penis Vanilla - refers to regular or traditional sex, not incoperating any S&M or other sexual fetish or kink. Vrs – Versatile - one who is both top & bottom - active & passive. Happy being penetrated and penetrating. W/ – With (for instance, “W/ own place”) WAA - Will answer all Watersports - an erotic interest in urine. One who has a urine fetish or who enjoys being urinated upon. W/E – Well-Endowed (having an above-average sized penis) WLTM - Would like to meet. WTR – Willing To Relocate WYCM – Will You Call Me? Zipper club - An orgy room in a bar, bathhouse, or toilet. |
There are dozens of new terms that you might see on the PFLAG site. Here are a few more helpful definitions.
GLBT: Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender. This acronym is used to refer to these individuals collectively. (It is sometimes stated as LGBT.) Occasionally, the acronym is stated as GLBTA to include allies – straight and supportive individuals – in the community.
Sexual Orientation: Enduring emotional, romantic, or sexual feelings to other people. Heterosexual (straight) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the opposite sex. Homosexual (gay or lesbian) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the same sex. Bisexual (bi) individuals experience these feelings for people of both sexes.
Gender Identity:A person’s sense of being male or female; resulting from a combination of genetic and environmental influences. Awareness of gender identity is usually experienced in infancy and reinforced in adolescence.
Gender expression: A person’s way of communicating gender identity to others.
Queer: Think of queer as an umbrella term. It includes anyone who a) wants to identify as queer and b) who feels somehow outside of the societal norms in regards to gender, sexuality or/and even politics. This, therefore, could include the person who would rather not identify with any particular label, the gender fluid bisexual, the gender fluid heterosexual, the questioning GLBT person, and the person who just doesn’t feel like they quite fit in to societal norms and wants to bond with a community over that. Click here for more information on the term "queer."
Transgender: A broad term describing the state of a person’s gender identity which does not necessarily match his/her assigned gender at birth. Other words commonly used are female to male, male to female, crossdresser, drag queen or king, gender queer, gender blender, two-spirit, and androgyny. Click here for more information on transgender issues.
Disorders of Sex Development (Intersex): The disorders called hermaphroditism (in the past) and intersex more recently are now being called by a preferred term which is Disorders of Sex Development or DSD. This large group of disorders and people with them are sometimes confused with people who are transgender. People who have a disorder of sex development are no more likely to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender than people in the general population.
This topic is included on the PFLAG web site not only to help clear up this confusion, but also because people with these disorders often face the same type of discrimination as do GLBT people. People with DSDs are "coming out of the closet" in increasing numbers. Most all of these disorders are genetic, which means they are caused by having too many or too few chromosomes, or a normal number of chromosomes with one or more of them not working properly.
The Accord Alliance, which started in March 2008, has a wealth of information on Disorders of Sex Development. A complete handbook for parents that includes support group information and a clinical guideline book are available here and may be downloaded and printed at no cost.
The Intersex Society of North America still has a web site but most all of the information has been transferred to the newer Accord Alliance site.
GLBT: Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender. This acronym is used to refer to these individuals collectively. (It is sometimes stated as LGBT.) Occasionally, the acronym is stated as GLBTA to include allies – straight and supportive individuals – in the community.
Sexual Orientation: Enduring emotional, romantic, or sexual feelings to other people. Heterosexual (straight) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the opposite sex. Homosexual (gay or lesbian) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the same sex. Bisexual (bi) individuals experience these feelings for people of both sexes.
Gender Identity:A person’s sense of being male or female; resulting from a combination of genetic and environmental influences. Awareness of gender identity is usually experienced in infancy and reinforced in adolescence.
Gender expression: A person’s way of communicating gender identity to others.
Queer: Think of queer as an umbrella term. It includes anyone who a) wants to identify as queer and b) who feels somehow outside of the societal norms in regards to gender, sexuality or/and even politics. This, therefore, could include the person who would rather not identify with any particular label, the gender fluid bisexual, the gender fluid heterosexual, the questioning GLBT person, and the person who just doesn’t feel like they quite fit in to societal norms and wants to bond with a community over that. Click here for more information on the term "queer."
Transgender: A broad term describing the state of a person’s gender identity which does not necessarily match his/her assigned gender at birth. Other words commonly used are female to male, male to female, crossdresser, drag queen or king, gender queer, gender blender, two-spirit, and androgyny. Click here for more information on transgender issues.
Disorders of Sex Development (Intersex): The disorders called hermaphroditism (in the past) and intersex more recently are now being called by a preferred term which is Disorders of Sex Development or DSD. This large group of disorders and people with them are sometimes confused with people who are transgender. People who have a disorder of sex development are no more likely to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender than people in the general population.
This topic is included on the PFLAG web site not only to help clear up this confusion, but also because people with these disorders often face the same type of discrimination as do GLBT people. People with DSDs are "coming out of the closet" in increasing numbers. Most all of these disorders are genetic, which means they are caused by having too many or too few chromosomes, or a normal number of chromosomes with one or more of them not working properly.
The Accord Alliance, which started in March 2008, has a wealth of information on Disorders of Sex Development. A complete handbook for parents that includes support group information and a clinical guideline book are available here and may be downloaded and printed at no cost.
The Intersex Society of North America still has a web site but most all of the information has been transferred to the newer Accord Alliance site.
Terms Relating To Jargon Used in Gay Communication and On Hook Up Websites
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A Sample Of Some Gay Personal Ads Posted by Gay Husbands, as Seen on Craigslist.
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We hope that the above terms will help you understand what you see in your spouse's profiles, emails, instant messages, or text messages, while you do your research as you investigate. Understanding what you read should help to make the situation less
nerve racking for you. When someone writes in code, if you do not understand the code words,
you may never understand the communication, even if it is detrimental to you.
nerve racking for you. When someone writes in code, if you do not understand the code words,
you may never understand the communication, even if it is detrimental to you.
Support for Families & Friends of LGBT Individuals
General Terms Used in The LGBT Community
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BIPHOBIA:
The fear, hatred, or intolerance of people who identify or are perceived as bisexual. Bisexual An individual who is physically, romantically, emotionally and/or spiritually attracted to men and women. Bisexuals need not have had equal sexual experience with both men and women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual. Closeted Describes a person who is not open about his or her sexual orientation. Coming Out A lifelong process of self-acceptance. People forge a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender identity first to themselves and then may reveal it to others. Publicly identifying one's sexual orientation may or may not be part of coming out. Dehumanizing: To take away humanity, to remove or deny human qualities, characteristics, or attributes. Please refrain from saying "that gay", or "a gay". You can say "Tom is a gay man" or "My husband's friend, Tom, who is gay." Down Low Initially used to refer to black men who secretly have sex with men, often while in relationships with women, but do not identify as gay or bisexual. She may be his wife, girlfriend, or just a friend with benefits, but the down-low specifies that she is not “in the know” about his gay activities. This can also be used to refer to women who secretly have sex with other women while in sexual relationships with men. Down Low is found in all cultures, ethnicity, and countries, not just among black men. Gay The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attractions are to people of the same sex (e.g., gay man, gay people). In contemporary contexts, lesbian (n.) is often a preferred term for women. Avoid identifying gay people as "homosexuals" GENDER: shown on the top scale, includes external genitalia, internal reproductive structures, chromosomes, hormone levels, and secondary sex characteristics such as breasts, facial and body hair, and fat distribution. These characteristics are objective in that they can be seen and measured (with appropriate technology). The scale consists not just of two categories (male and female) but is actually a continuum, with most people existing somewhere near one end or the other. The space more in the middle is occupied by intersex people (formerly, hermaphrodites), who have combinations of characteristics typical of males and those typical of females, such as both a testis and an ovary, or XY chromosomes (the usual male pattern) and a vagina, or they may have features that are not completely male or completely female, such as an organ that could be thought of as a small penis or a large clitoris, or an XXY chromosomal pattern. Gender Identity How people think of themselves and identify in terms of sex (man, woman, boy, girl). Gender identity is a psychological quality; unlike biological sex, it can't be observed or measured (at least by current means), only reported by the individual. Like biological sex, it consists of more than two categories, and there's space in the middle for those who identify as a third gender, both (two-spirit), or neither. We lack language for this intermediate position because everyone in our culture is supposed to identify unequivocally with one of the two extreme categories. In fact, many people feel that they have masculine and feminine aspects of their psyches, and some people, fearing that they do, seek to purge themselves of one or the other by acting in exaggerated sex-stereotyped ways.. Gender Expression Everything we do that communicates our sex/gender to others: clothing, hair styles, mannerisms, way of speaking, roles we take in interactions, etc. This communication may be purposeful or accidental. It could also be called social gender because it relates to interactions between people. Trappings of one gender or the other may be forced on us as children or by dress codes at school or work. Gender expression is a continuum, with feminine at one end and masculine at the other. In between are gender expressions that are androgynous (neither masculine nor feminine) and those that combine elements of the two (sometimes called gender bending). Gender expression can vary for an individual from day to day or in different situations, but most people can identify a range on the scale where they feel the most comfortable. Some people are comfortable with a wider range of gender expression than others. |
GENDER QUEER:
A term used by many trans youth who do not identify as either male or female and who often seek to blur gender lines. GENDER VARIANT: An alternative term for transgender, meaning someone who varies from traditional expressions of “masculine” and “feminine.” HETEROSEXISM: The cultural, institutional, and individual beliefs and practices that privilege heterosexuals and subordinate and denigrate LGB people. The critical element that differentiates heterosexism (or any other “ism”) from prejudice and discrimination is the use of institutional power and authority to support prejudices and enforce discriminatory behaviors in systematic ways with far-reaching outcomes and effects. Heterosexual Man / Woman A person whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction is to people of the opposite sex. Also straight. HOMOPHOBIA: The fear, hatred, or intolerance of people who identify or are perceived as lesbian or gay, including the fear of being seen as lesbian or gay yourself. Homophobic behavior can range from telling jokes about lesbians and gay men, to verbal abuse, to acts of physical violence. (Some people choose not to use the word “homophobia,” preferring instead to include anti-GLBT attitudes and behavior in how they define “heterosexism”). Homosexual Clinical term considered derogatory and offensive by many gay people. Gay and/or lesbian accurately describe people who are attracted to members of the same sex. Lesbian A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction is to other women. LGBT / GLBT Acronyms for "lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender." LGBT and/or GLBT are often used because they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community. Lifestyle Term often used to describe lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender lives. Avoid using. As there is no one heterosexual or straight lifestyle, there is no one lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender lifestyle. MSM: Acronym for "men who have sex with men." Term used usually in communities of color to describe men who secretly have sex with other men while maintaining relationships with women. Not synonymous with "bisexual." Openly Gay Describes people who self-identify as lesbian or gay in their public and/or professional lives. Also openly lesbian, openly bisexual, openly transgender. Outing The act of publicly declaring (sometimes based on rumor and/or speculation) or revealing another person's sexual orientation without his or her consent. Considered inappropriate by a large portion of the LGBT community. Queer Traditionally a pejorative term, queer has been appropriated by some LGBT people to describe themselves. Some value the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of the entire LGBT community. Nevertheless, it is not universally accepted even within the LGBT community and should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: The desire for intimate emotional and sexual relationships with people of the same gender (lesbians and gay men), another gender (heterosexuals), or more than one gender (bisexuals). TRANS or TRANSGENDER: An umbrella term for someone whose self-identification or expression challenges traditional notions of “male” and “female.” Transgender people include transsexuals, crossdressers, drag queens and kings, gender queers, and others who cross or transgress traditional gender categories. TWO SPIRIT: A Native American/First Nation term for people who blend the masculine and the feminine. It is commonly used to describe individuals who historically crossed gender boundaries and were accepted by Native American/First Nation cultures. It is also often used by contemporary GLBT Native American and First Nation people to describe themselves. |
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