How Long Will It Take?
Each person’s recovery experience is unique, and there is no guarantee on how much time it will take until you feel whole again. Although you cannot be certain about the date, you can be certain about the healing, and in order to heal, you must take some specific steps. The first step, as we have said before, is to point yourself in the right direction. Second, make a commitment to moving forward. Third, acknowledge that what you are experiencing is normal. The fourth step is to understand that you must go through the recovery process.
“Let the pain run its course,” says Rob Eagar. “As humans we are so focused on wanting to feel good all the time. Then when hurt and pain come into our lives, we do anything to get rid of it. Understand that it is going to hurt for a while. Having that realization helped me to face my pain and to be able to say, ‘Okay, this is how it’s going to be.’”
An important part of your healing is based on your understanding that recovery is a process, and it is a process you must go through, despite the pain.
“Give me understanding that I may live” (Psalm 119:144).
Lord, I did not choose this pain, and I am so tired of it. Help me to understand that there are no shortcuts in straight spouse recovery. Help me realize that I must walk this journey of healing no matter how long it takes. Amen.
Things to Consider in Order to Select an Attorney Who is a Problem Solver and Not a Conflict Creator
Things to Consider in Order to Select an Attorney Who is a
Problem Solver and Not a Conflict Creator
Problem-solving is a hallmark of a good lawyer. It involves a creative attempt to discover a result that may be outside the specific provisions of law, ruling, or statute, but that will represent the best reasonable outcome for all of the parties involved. Since law schools, historically, have not taught problem-solving skills, the American Bar Association (ABA) advises lawyers-to-be that they must enter law school with a reasonably well developed set of analytic and problem-solving abilities, in order to become a competent lawyer.
Problem-solving has become a lost art in the practice of law. Unfortunately, since it is not mandated that anyone learn problem-solving skills to receive a law degree, most lawyers do not learn such skills. By teaching lawyers to identify problems, but not training them to solve problems, the practice of law has shifted from resolving conflict between parties to creating it. This is particularly detrimental in cases dealing with children and families as heightening conflict causes wounds that often last a lifetime.
It is therefore incumbent upon the client to carefully interview an attorney before making a hiring decision. Although nothing in life is certain, we can all exercise due diligence in an effort to make reliable intelligent choices when it comes to selecting a lawyer. There are certainly many factors that must be considered before making such an important decision, but let's focus on the problem-solving component, since that is so important.
Before retaining an attorney, the consumer would be wise to do some independent research on the particular attorney and to request references and/or testimonial letters from former clients.
The Naked Truth
Let's be real. When a spouse finds out that they are being deceived, they usually want to end the relationship. It is a know fact that mixed orientation marriages fare less well when same sex infidelity is suspected, or confirmed. Even when the gay spouse confess and admit to infidelity in the past or ongoing, most of those marriages end in divorce.
The reality is that people do get divorce and since they do, we want to provide some resources to help those who choose to go that route. Not every marriage can be saved, even though we are not advocating that a straight spouse remain in a mixed orientation marriage. Many people for one reason or another will want a divorce, and historically, a divorce from a gay spouse can sometimes be very traumatic.
We want you to have resources to help you get through it. It is ultimately up to you, how you handle your divorce and the ensuing emotions that go along with it. We just want to help equip you more while you go through this difficult time.
Dealing With The Aftermath Of Betrayal
Betrayal can be anything: infidelity, incest, emotional and physical abuse, telling a lie, secretly overspending or being hurt by a friend.
I recently received many emails asking me: "How do I move on with my life?"
A simple answer can be - forgiveness is the key.
I am no longer willing to compromise my happiness or my life.
I no longer hold grudges or harbor resentments.
I release myself from any shame and guilt.
I am in control of my life.
I live in peace with what has already happened.
Forgiveness does NOT mean:
You agree with the actions or behavior.
You trust him or her just because you forgive them.
You are letting him or her off the hook.
The person does not need to pay the consequences for their actions.
You have to talk to the other person.
Forgiveness is about YOU, about your inner peace, about your life.
Release the person or event, and release yourself.
Forgiveness is a choice.
Try this simple and effective exercise:
Recall what and/or who you need to forgive. Write and say out loud at least ten times "I release and forgive _______________ (be specific) for any pain or damage I experienced." You may be saying this through gritted teeth or tears. Do it anyway, just get started.
Focus on the feeling of forgiveness and releasing yourself from the past. Repeat as often as necessary. Every time you do this exercise you move forward in your forgiveness journey.
Remember, forgiveness is a process and every step you take brings you closer to finding your true freedom and inner peace. Forgiveness is for YOUR benefit, NOT for the benefit of the person who wronged you. Are you surprised? Why do you think it feels so much better, like a load is lifted from you, after you truly forgives someone.
Yes, when you truly forgive someone, you no longer carry the burden of their wrong. It's all on them now. You don't need their burden especially from selfish, uncaring people who may not even be aware of how much they have hurt you.
Free yourself...forgiveness is the key.
With support for you in your journey,
The 10 Commandments of Marriage
Good marriages don’t just happen. It is not just because you married the right person and got lucky. Good marriages are built on more than passion. They are built on principle.
In the Scriptures, we find the best guidelines and principles for a healthy marriage. God’s words and God’s principles are never ever outdated…never! They are just as applicable today as they were to ancient Jews living in Israel.
I want to point us to principles God has given us in a place you might not think was intended for marriage. That place is the Ten Commandments, found in Exodus 20.
Let me give you those Ten Commandments. What I would like you to do is spend time reading these carefully, and then take time to pray over each one. Ask God to begin to open your heart to see how these commands could be looked at as principles for marriage. I had a friend who challenged me to do the same, and I was amazed at what I discovered.
Protecting Your Credit During Divorce and Who Gets to Keep the Family Pet?
Divorce can be messy. Unfortunately if you are not careful your credit can be ruined during and after the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Here is some information to help you protect your credit, while you have an ongoing divorce.
Attorney, Henry Gornbein, Henry answers the questions:
How Can I Protect my Credit During Divorce and Who Gets Possession of the Family Pet?
Listen to Audio: Protecting Your Credit During Divorce
Narcissistic Personality Disorder During Divorce
The Intelligent Divorce, Dr. Banschick and Steve Peck speak with Dr. Andrew Klafter, director of psychotherapy training at the University of Cincinnati Residency Training Program.
Dr. Klafter has dedicated much of his research to learning more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder During Divorce (Audio)
Choosing to Forgive Your Ex-Husband or Ex-Wife
Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting for one minute that people forget, tolerate, condone, excuse, or become a doormat for their offending former spouse. What I am suggesting is that it is advantageous to let go of the need for revenge and to release the negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.
By letting go, people gain control of their emotions and the control their ex-spouses have over them. Yet, just trying not to be angry rarely works. The pain of the offense can be the pivot point for flourishing. How? The offense gives the “victim” key insights about the perpetrator’s humanity and need to be positively transformed. Responsible forgiveness refuses to excuse injustice while opening the door to healing.
How you can forgive your ex?
How to Get a Divorce: 5 Options For Getting Divorced You Might Not Have Considered
When faced with getting divorced, many people realize they actually do not know how to get a divorce. You might be wondering who you should contact and what steps to take. Not knowing your available options can lead to costly mistakes and unnecessary complications. Sound professional advice will save you from emotional and financial distress. Before you get a divorce, one of the first things you will need to consider is which approach best fits your situation.
Did you know there is more than one way to get a divorce? In fact, there are five main approaches to getting divorced, and you should at least know about each option.
This is the place to get some information to help you during a divorce.