Finding out that you love a gay man really hurts. Even losing a gay husband in many cases hurts. This is why it is so difficult for us to recover from these relationships and marriages. Sometimes we have wonderful men who are our best friends. Then one day out of nowhere, a new man appears who is a stranger to us. The man we thought we were tied to for life now tells us that he can’t go on being “untrue” to himself. He tells us that as much as it pains him, he has to tell you that he is gay.
By the way, the ones who tell you are really the honest ones although it’s hard to believe when you’re hearing the truth. It’s the ones that refuse to tell you and accuse you of being crazy who are contemptible. It is going to take time to get past the pain of this. You need to give yourself the time you need to go through all the stages of mourning and grieving just like you need to mourn for someone who died.
This is the death of a marriage, and in many cases, it is a very ugly death. You need people who will help you grieve and mourn constructively. Choose your support team wisely.