KNOW THE SIGNS CONTD...2
There are exceptions to every rule. Because your spouse is not black, or of a minority, don't laugh this off because this is not about minority or black secretly gay people. This is about deception and infidelity in every culture and nationality, in every part of the world.
Some gay DL men have no noticeable signs, hense the term DL. At least not ones that you can be definitive about. Even though these clues are from others who have experienced their value, these clues are not meant to turn your trusting relationship into a game of hide and seek, or you into Mrs. FBI agent.
There are always exceptions. Trust first, but don't ignore the warning signs. Trust your intuition...that nagging gut feeling.
If there are just too many inconsistencies for comfort, then communicate them to your partner directly.
Don't let them hear of your suspicions from a friend. Also, try not to be accusatory. Simply tell him/her how this behavior makes you feel. He/she may be dealing with other issues that have nothing to do with cheating on you with another person of the same sex.
Be very careful who you confide in.
Some people might think this is just a bag of hot air, and there isn't any substance to it, but it can be wise to just pay attention to some of the red flags that were listed. This is advice coming from other straight spouses who ignored the clues for far too long, or did not believe what the clues were telling them. It is better to be safe than to be sorry and HIV positive.
Once you establish that he’s cheating, then it’s a matter of determining who he’s cheating with. Is it a woman? Or is it another man? Don't be the last one to know!
Most women are oblivious to the fact that their man is on the down low. This is typical of women with cheating husbands – even when the man is cheating with another woman. Most infidelity goes undetected. More than half of the women being cheated on, have no idea their man is having an affair – because they fail to recognize the telltale signs.
What the majority of women don’t realize, is that most of the signs of infidelity are subtle. So women who pride themselves on knowing 'all the obvious signs' of infidelity, usually miss the many subtle signs staring them in the face. The down low spouse is good at giving subtle clues...Remember it's a secret.
Remember that the same signs of infidelity that apply to a man who’s cheating with another woman, also can apply to a man who’s cheating with another man. Some clues may be appropriate for some people, but not others. Every person is different, and even though this is a sub culture, each member of the group will have their own individual behavior.
So first and foremost you need to have a working knowledge of what those signs are, or at least some of them. Some of them may definitely apply to your spouse, if he is engaged in infidelity. If you’re unfamiliar with the many hidden signs of infidelity, you’re at a major disadvantage.
This should be a compelling enough reason for you to familiarize yourself not just with the obvious signs of cheating, but with the countless subtle signs. Especially since these are the signs most women tend to overlook.
Remember, there may never be any obvious signs, noticeable by you. But if you think outside the box, your intuition will help you greatly. If it came to you, there is something to it.
Investigate...If you investigate without your spouse knowing you are suspicious, you will be more inclined to get solid information.
We recommend asking the question, or questions as many times, and in different ways as you need to, to discover the truth. You will only be able to say for sure if he admits it, or you caught him in the act. But he most likely will never admit it, so don't loose heart...the signs will help you to know in your heart.
A woman knows.. even if you are in initial denial...a woman just knows. With that said, we need to emphasize again that you may never get "confirmation" that your spouse is sexually involved with a same sex partner that is (LGBT), and may need to make decisions about your life without having this direct confirmation.
As always, insist on practicising safe sexual relations with your spouse, never let your guard down as your life may depend on you being vigilant.
If you suspect same sex infidelity....get an HIV test!
Get one along with other STD testing, even if you do not believe you are infected. Practise safe sex...whatever way you can. Your life may depend on it.
Don’t Be The Last to Know!
No matter how naive you are, if your husband or boyfriend is on the down low, you can’t afford to be the last to know. Familiarize yourself with the telltale signs of infidelity.
It's ultimately up to you to decide if your spouse is practising risque behavior and putting your life is in danger. Only you can decide if 'what you see is what you are getting'.
Please be safe! Remember to go and get tested for HIV and other STD's. Knowing your HIV status gives you power. Don't depend on your spouse to tell you their status.
If you have an STD, it makes it easier for you to get HIV. DL men are notorious for not wanting to know their HIV or STD status, or they may know it and refuse to share it, if it's positive. Protect yourself.
If you tested NEGATIVE for HIV, that does not mean your spouse is negative. Even if his test comes back negative this month, you cannot guarantee that he will be negative months from now, when he may want to have sex relations with you.
If he is actively hooking up with other men, especially anonymous men, chances are he may just hook up with an HIV positive man the next time he prowls.
Find out if he/she is having anonymous gay hook ups.
There is no harm in insisting that your spouse use condoms, if you feel you are at risk. If he is cheating or is gay, you are definitely at risk. It is your life, not his to play Russian Roulette with. You love your spouse, but we hope you love yourself more. If you are already HIV Positive, knowing and starting a medication regimen will help you to have a better quality of health. It will help you to avoid getting a super infection, and may help to keep you alive longer.