MEDIA CENTER
No Spouse Left Behind: Straight Spouse Awareness. Help For Men
and Women in Relationships with a Secretly Gay Spouse
South Florida Connects, (SFC)
Our History
and Women in Relationships with a Secretly Gay Spouse
South Florida Connects, (SFC)
Our History
For Immediate Release
March 11, 2012
Houston, Texas, Straight Spouse Healing Week-end
The recent Texas straight spouse gathering was a very welcomed experience that gave SFC CEO and Founder, Debbie Thomas-Brown a chance to leave Florida for a while. "Truth be told, it was a very healing experience too," she said. “It felt great being able to meet with other women from the Bonnie Kaye Straight Spouse Support Network. Very strong women who have been on the straight spouse journey for as long as some of them have.
"I could not feel sorry for myself, after hearing how much some of my sisters have suffered. My straight spouse sisters, your stories of strength and determination, in the face of some really devastating obstacles, strengthen me even more,” she reported.
Straight spouse sisters, hail from different social, educational, and religious segments of the society, and work in a variety of fields. They showed through their discussions, some of the not so well known, but critical issues surrounding straight spouse awareness, interventions, and mediation approaches that can enhance the lives of impacted straight spouses and their families all over the world. Some of you could write a beneficial book.
The healing, weekend retreat, helped to provide some serious reflection on the wide cross section of the society, affected by the mixed orientation marriage phenomenon. It was interesting to note how many professional women; in high paying jobs requiring high levels of confidentiality, were present.
Bonnie is right. Women in service oriented professions are all targets for LGBT men. Naturally, those professions are nurturing professions, represented in the groups of professions generally targeted by gay men looking for a cover. Not surprisingly, Pastor’s wives are included, as Christian women remain an accessible target group. Understand that even though the LGBT spouses may love their straight spouse, the marriage is often used as a secure cover for a LGBT person who wants to stay in the closet.
Straight spouses agree that the realization of the deception, by unsuspecting LGBT spouses who marry, and then hide their same sex orientation, while having their sexual needs met by other LGBT individuals, and at the same time, depriving their straight spouses of that same sexual intimacy and fulfillment, within the marriage, hurts much more than the fact that they are LGBT.
Our global future and our ability to effect positive change, and produce a solid foundation, with a broader understanding of straight spouse issues, can only continue if those who can help, those who have some clout, are prepared to join the dialog of discussing the types of intervention, and remediation that straight spouses deserve.
At South Florida Connects they remain encouraged, as they continue the pursuit of their mission, to support immigrant and minority straight spouses everywhere. They are inviting those who have an influential voice to join the discussion, that they believe, will ultimately bring about positive change, in so many lives. CEO Debbie said, “Straight spouses should not have to hurt so much, should not have to suffer so much, should not have to give up so much, should not have to become so broken, before true healing can take place.”
“A new era of in-depth social research into the straight spouse phenomenon is needed, to help more people understand that life is too short for honest individuals to suffer needlessly through no fault of their own. As Bonnie says, Life was not meant to be this difficult…Period!”
The healing weekend, retreat was an important reminder that when people share information, whether it is their hurt, anxiety, pain, suicidal ideations, whatever they are feeling and facing, their insights, or varied learning experiences, they can find help themselves, and also help others. The human spirit is resilient, and some of us are made for tough times, tough things, and tough situations like these.
It is time that more influential members of our society understand more about the detrimental factors, and also the special considerations, and obligations, associated with mixed orientation marriages. More research on this phenomenon needs to be commissioned.
Even though society is now more accepting of LGBT individuals, some people will never leave their closets. For whatever reason a gay person may have in their head, LGBT men and women will continue to marry straight men and women, without foreseeing the inevitable destruction that lie ahead. Straight spouses showed clearly that marriages based on deception and lies cannot survive.
It is hoped that members of the business community, private resourceful citizens, and representatives of government agencies, will begin to examine the destructive scope and societal consequences of the straight spouse phenomenon, just like they did with domestic violence and abuse, and join us in helping to fund prevention, and remediation programs, that will help change, some of the difficult legal, societal and financial issues raised by straight spouses, who continue to suffer unnecessarily, during, and at the end of deceptive, destructive, debilitating, loveless, mixed orientation marriages.
“We are also hoping that the straight spouse philosophy of South Florida Connects, ‘No spouse left behind, straight spouse awareness’, will be considered, and adopted by straight spouses, their families and friends everywhere. With information and education, come empowerment and healing.” said Debbie.
“Straight spouse sisters, always remember that, you are not alone. The best thing that you can do is continue to reach out to others who have walked in your shoes. Some are still walking, as it takes longer for some straight spouses than others. It is said that it takes one year of recovery, for every five years of marriage, to complete the healing journey. Some of us are build tough to last, so we progress a little faster. You do not have to do it alone. Continue to reach out to others who understand your pain,” She further stated.
“No straight spouse should be left behind when there is straight spouse awareness, straight spouse online peer support, and confidential, telephone peer support. I am so blessed to have met you all. Thank you Bonnie,” Debbie remarked.
“Straight spouses special, wonderfully and fearfully made, and God loves you,’ the CEO said.
South Florida Connects is ready to help all immigrant and minority straight spouses to find their voice and their rightful place. You are not alone because “Life was not meant to be this difficult…Period.”
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
South Florida Connects
Straight Spouse Peer Support Specialist
E-mail: sfconnects@gmail.com
Peer Support Hotline: 954-983-9751
"I could not feel sorry for myself, after hearing how much some of my sisters have suffered. My straight spouse sisters, your stories of strength and determination, in the face of some really devastating obstacles, strengthen me even more,” she reported.
Straight spouse sisters, hail from different social, educational, and religious segments of the society, and work in a variety of fields. They showed through their discussions, some of the not so well known, but critical issues surrounding straight spouse awareness, interventions, and mediation approaches that can enhance the lives of impacted straight spouses and their families all over the world. Some of you could write a beneficial book.
The healing, weekend retreat, helped to provide some serious reflection on the wide cross section of the society, affected by the mixed orientation marriage phenomenon. It was interesting to note how many professional women; in high paying jobs requiring high levels of confidentiality, were present.
Bonnie is right. Women in service oriented professions are all targets for LGBT men. Naturally, those professions are nurturing professions, represented in the groups of professions generally targeted by gay men looking for a cover. Not surprisingly, Pastor’s wives are included, as Christian women remain an accessible target group. Understand that even though the LGBT spouses may love their straight spouse, the marriage is often used as a secure cover for a LGBT person who wants to stay in the closet.
Straight spouses agree that the realization of the deception, by unsuspecting LGBT spouses who marry, and then hide their same sex orientation, while having their sexual needs met by other LGBT individuals, and at the same time, depriving their straight spouses of that same sexual intimacy and fulfillment, within the marriage, hurts much more than the fact that they are LGBT.
Our global future and our ability to effect positive change, and produce a solid foundation, with a broader understanding of straight spouse issues, can only continue if those who can help, those who have some clout, are prepared to join the dialog of discussing the types of intervention, and remediation that straight spouses deserve.
At South Florida Connects they remain encouraged, as they continue the pursuit of their mission, to support immigrant and minority straight spouses everywhere. They are inviting those who have an influential voice to join the discussion, that they believe, will ultimately bring about positive change, in so many lives. CEO Debbie said, “Straight spouses should not have to hurt so much, should not have to suffer so much, should not have to give up so much, should not have to become so broken, before true healing can take place.”
“A new era of in-depth social research into the straight spouse phenomenon is needed, to help more people understand that life is too short for honest individuals to suffer needlessly through no fault of their own. As Bonnie says, Life was not meant to be this difficult…Period!”
The healing weekend, retreat was an important reminder that when people share information, whether it is their hurt, anxiety, pain, suicidal ideations, whatever they are feeling and facing, their insights, or varied learning experiences, they can find help themselves, and also help others. The human spirit is resilient, and some of us are made for tough times, tough things, and tough situations like these.
It is time that more influential members of our society understand more about the detrimental factors, and also the special considerations, and obligations, associated with mixed orientation marriages. More research on this phenomenon needs to be commissioned.
Even though society is now more accepting of LGBT individuals, some people will never leave their closets. For whatever reason a gay person may have in their head, LGBT men and women will continue to marry straight men and women, without foreseeing the inevitable destruction that lie ahead. Straight spouses showed clearly that marriages based on deception and lies cannot survive.
It is hoped that members of the business community, private resourceful citizens, and representatives of government agencies, will begin to examine the destructive scope and societal consequences of the straight spouse phenomenon, just like they did with domestic violence and abuse, and join us in helping to fund prevention, and remediation programs, that will help change, some of the difficult legal, societal and financial issues raised by straight spouses, who continue to suffer unnecessarily, during, and at the end of deceptive, destructive, debilitating, loveless, mixed orientation marriages.
“We are also hoping that the straight spouse philosophy of South Florida Connects, ‘No spouse left behind, straight spouse awareness’, will be considered, and adopted by straight spouses, their families and friends everywhere. With information and education, come empowerment and healing.” said Debbie.
“Straight spouse sisters, always remember that, you are not alone. The best thing that you can do is continue to reach out to others who have walked in your shoes. Some are still walking, as it takes longer for some straight spouses than others. It is said that it takes one year of recovery, for every five years of marriage, to complete the healing journey. Some of us are build tough to last, so we progress a little faster. You do not have to do it alone. Continue to reach out to others who understand your pain,” She further stated.
“No straight spouse should be left behind when there is straight spouse awareness, straight spouse online peer support, and confidential, telephone peer support. I am so blessed to have met you all. Thank you Bonnie,” Debbie remarked.
“Straight spouses special, wonderfully and fearfully made, and God loves you,’ the CEO said.
South Florida Connects is ready to help all immigrant and minority straight spouses to find their voice and their rightful place. You are not alone because “Life was not meant to be this difficult…Period.”
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
South Florida Connects
Straight Spouse Peer Support Specialist
E-mail: sfconnects@gmail.com
Peer Support Hotline: 954-983-9751
For Immediate Release
March 1, 2012
South Florida Connects, (SFC)
No Spouse Left Behind: Straight Spouse Awareness.
Help For Men and Women Who Find Themselves in
Relationships with Secret LGBT Spouses.
South Florida Connects (SFC) is a local Miramar, faith based, community outreach organization. They offer education, information, affirmation, validation, empowerment, and peer support to straight spouses, their families, and the community. (A straight spouse is a heterosexual person who unknowingly dated, is dating, is married to, or was unknowingly married to a secret LGBT person.)
Many people in our South Florida community are immigrants, whose cultural experiences did not equip them with how to handle a secret gay spouse disclosure. They are suffering in silence due to lack of information, when there is support available. The discovery or disclosure of an unknowingly LGBT spouse can be very traumatic to the straight spouse, and the children who know.
So many people are traumatized, and depressed, that they are feeling suicidal. Many of them have no idea there is help available to support them through their transition, and help them develop better coping strategies during this difficult time.
When a secret LGBT spouse is discovered, or finally choose to openly discloses their sexual orientation, the marriage relationship, and family dynamics change. For some couples and families, this can be so traumatic that the marriage ends immediately. In other cases, the straight spouse goes in limbo, unable to cope, decide what to do or how to accept the new status in their relationship.
Some people go on medication, suffering from depression, anxiety, low sexual esteem, low self esteem, lack of emotional support, or intolerance in their church community.
Many people end up fleeing to the closet with their gay spouse, as that becomes the easiest thing to do at that time. However without education, information or any form of confidential support, many straight spouses remain in their LGBT spouse's closet indefinitely.
They sometimes feel that their life is ruined and they are alone. Their children are forced into the closet along with the parents, due to a lack of information, or fear of being stigmatized at school and in their community. Some have no knowledge that there is help available from others, and organizations who care about their plight.
The discovery that you have become a straight spouse against your will, can become so debilitating, that many straight spouses become so ill and unable to function, unable to work, or take care of their children. Recovery can be very tedious, and can be prolonged, depending on how much support the straight spouse receives. Counseling usually helps if the counselor is experienced in straight spouse awareness.Otherwise, a well meaning counselor can do even more harm to a straight spouse's emotional stability.
That is why peer support is so important, as it provides awareness, affirmation, validation, and empowerment for the straight spouse. Straight spouses who can benefit from peer support, can only receive it if they know that it is available, and where to find it.
South Florida Connects, SFC the only local organization that offers confidential straight spouse peer support to immigrants and minority straight spouses. wants to let members of our community, know that help is available. Confidential peer support is available through our straight spouse peer support specialist, to people who find themselves unknowingly in a mixed orientation marriage.
Some people are reluctant to reach out because they are ashamed due to the societal stigma attached to being LGBT. We want them to know that it was difficult for people who suffer from domestic violence and abuse to reach out for help too. So, we understand. Our experience is no different from theirs, but we have received support and want to reach out and help others who are going through what many of us have already gone through. We want straight spouses to know that they are not alone.
Experienced straight spouses, are ready to provide confidential, straight spouse peer support to anyone, male or female who finds them self unknowingly is a relationship with a LGBT partner and need help navigating their way through the anxiety and despair of their current circumstances. Anyone can visit our website for information and to set up further contact for a straight spouse peer support specialist to contact them.
Further information is available via our website at www.southfloridaconnects.com. They can have local support, and also national support via our straight spouse support network.
We accept email through our website, and anyone who request confidential telephone peer support can have that arranged also. Too many people are hurting and we are ready to offer help in educating, affirming, validating, empowering and supporting every straight spouse who reaches out for help. We understand the difficulties that straight spouses have to endure and we want to help. Life does not have to be this difficult…Period!
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
CEO/Founder
South Florida Connects
Straight Spouse Peer Support Specialist
South Florida Connects (SFC)
southfloridaconnects.com
southfloridaconnects.org
sfconnects@gmail.com
Peer Support Hotline: 954-983-9751
Many people in our South Florida community are immigrants, whose cultural experiences did not equip them with how to handle a secret gay spouse disclosure. They are suffering in silence due to lack of information, when there is support available. The discovery or disclosure of an unknowingly LGBT spouse can be very traumatic to the straight spouse, and the children who know.
So many people are traumatized, and depressed, that they are feeling suicidal. Many of them have no idea there is help available to support them through their transition, and help them develop better coping strategies during this difficult time.
When a secret LGBT spouse is discovered, or finally choose to openly discloses their sexual orientation, the marriage relationship, and family dynamics change. For some couples and families, this can be so traumatic that the marriage ends immediately. In other cases, the straight spouse goes in limbo, unable to cope, decide what to do or how to accept the new status in their relationship.
Some people go on medication, suffering from depression, anxiety, low sexual esteem, low self esteem, lack of emotional support, or intolerance in their church community.
Many people end up fleeing to the closet with their gay spouse, as that becomes the easiest thing to do at that time. However without education, information or any form of confidential support, many straight spouses remain in their LGBT spouse's closet indefinitely.
They sometimes feel that their life is ruined and they are alone. Their children are forced into the closet along with the parents, due to a lack of information, or fear of being stigmatized at school and in their community. Some have no knowledge that there is help available from others, and organizations who care about their plight.
The discovery that you have become a straight spouse against your will, can become so debilitating, that many straight spouses become so ill and unable to function, unable to work, or take care of their children. Recovery can be very tedious, and can be prolonged, depending on how much support the straight spouse receives. Counseling usually helps if the counselor is experienced in straight spouse awareness.Otherwise, a well meaning counselor can do even more harm to a straight spouse's emotional stability.
That is why peer support is so important, as it provides awareness, affirmation, validation, and empowerment for the straight spouse. Straight spouses who can benefit from peer support, can only receive it if they know that it is available, and where to find it.
South Florida Connects, SFC the only local organization that offers confidential straight spouse peer support to immigrants and minority straight spouses. wants to let members of our community, know that help is available. Confidential peer support is available through our straight spouse peer support specialist, to people who find themselves unknowingly in a mixed orientation marriage.
Some people are reluctant to reach out because they are ashamed due to the societal stigma attached to being LGBT. We want them to know that it was difficult for people who suffer from domestic violence and abuse to reach out for help too. So, we understand. Our experience is no different from theirs, but we have received support and want to reach out and help others who are going through what many of us have already gone through. We want straight spouses to know that they are not alone.
Experienced straight spouses, are ready to provide confidential, straight spouse peer support to anyone, male or female who finds them self unknowingly is a relationship with a LGBT partner and need help navigating their way through the anxiety and despair of their current circumstances. Anyone can visit our website for information and to set up further contact for a straight spouse peer support specialist to contact them.
Further information is available via our website at www.southfloridaconnects.com. They can have local support, and also national support via our straight spouse support network.
We accept email through our website, and anyone who request confidential telephone peer support can have that arranged also. Too many people are hurting and we are ready to offer help in educating, affirming, validating, empowering and supporting every straight spouse who reaches out for help. We understand the difficulties that straight spouses have to endure and we want to help. Life does not have to be this difficult…Period!
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
CEO/Founder
South Florida Connects
Straight Spouse Peer Support Specialist
South Florida Connects (SFC)
southfloridaconnects.com
southfloridaconnects.org
sfconnects@gmail.com
Peer Support Hotline: 954-983-9751
January, 15, 2012
SFC CEO, Debbie Thomas-Brown, was
Named Minority & Caribbean Spokeswoman,
for the Bonnie Kaye Straight Spouse Support Network
This was officially announced in the January edition of the Bonnie Kaye Straight Talk Newsletter, a monthly publication sent to thousands of straight spouses all over the world. Debbie has been advocating for the Immigrant and Caribbean Straight Spouses residing in South Florida. She provides peer support to immigrants, men and women of every nationality. Her background is of Caribbean descent, and she understands the challenges straight spouses from the Caribbean, those living in and around the Caribbean, face.
She understands the religious and cultural handicaps that paralyze some straight spouses, and intensify their already stressful situations. That is why with the help of her daughter, she started "No Spouse Left Behind, Straight Spouse Awareness: Assistance for men and women in a relationship with a secretly gay spouse".
Debbie opened a telephone hotline for those in 'crisis' to call and reach out. Debbie knows that when a straight spouse gets in crisis, sometimes all they need at that moment is to be able to talk to another person who understands what they are going through. The hotline is unmanned, but straight spouses can leave a message and their call will be returned expeditiously. Confidentiality is a major issue with straight spouses, so those who call the hotline can choose to remain anonymous. Correct contact info is needed, so you can be reached with support.
Debbie is available for interviews, workshops or seminars in churches, community groups, businesses, and organizations. Contact her if you need information and support. Tel: 954-983-9751 or email: sfconnects@gmail.com
###
She understands the religious and cultural handicaps that paralyze some straight spouses, and intensify their already stressful situations. That is why with the help of her daughter, she started "No Spouse Left Behind, Straight Spouse Awareness: Assistance for men and women in a relationship with a secretly gay spouse".
Debbie opened a telephone hotline for those in 'crisis' to call and reach out. Debbie knows that when a straight spouse gets in crisis, sometimes all they need at that moment is to be able to talk to another person who understands what they are going through. The hotline is unmanned, but straight spouses can leave a message and their call will be returned expeditiously. Confidentiality is a major issue with straight spouses, so those who call the hotline can choose to remain anonymous. Correct contact info is needed, so you can be reached with support.
Debbie is available for interviews, workshops or seminars in churches, community groups, businesses, and organizations. Contact her if you need information and support. Tel: 954-983-9751 or email: sfconnects@gmail.com
###
SFC started its No Spouse Left Behind: Straight Spouse Awareness Campaign.
This Will Offer Help For Men and Women in Relationships with a Secretly Gay Spouse
November, 14, 2011
|
South Florida Connects (SFC) has launched its "No Spouse Left Behind: Straight Spouse Awareness Campaign.
SFC has begun to use the medium of internet and radio, to alert and inform our community about Straight Spouse issues, provide information to bring awareness, services that enrich the lives of men and women, affected by the deception of a secretly gay spouse, secret gay infidelity that continues to put them at risk. |
The radio program intends to give individuals a voice to be confident, active, involved citizens and ultimately transform our community. We want to focus particularly hard where the need for social, spiritual and cultural information and is greatest. Too many in our community are hurting and suffering because they believe there is no help available. SFC wants to use the radio to end that assumption
|
We believe that radio can have a great impact on the disimination of relevant and important information. SFC also believes that building a healthy media sector, will help to increase the quality and amount of information that is shared with members of our community. We hope that radio presentations will help to bring awareness about straight spouse issues, and help to empower those affected.
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
SFC CEO/Founder
sfconnects@gmail.com
###
Contact:
Debbie Thomas-Brown
SFC CEO/Founder
sfconnects@gmail.com
Straight Spouse Radio Interview
No Spouse Left Behind: Straight Spouse Awareness.
Help For Men and Women
in Relationships with a Secretly Gay Spouse
November 20,2011,
Debbie Thomas-Brown
CEO South Florida Connects
Guest on Straight Wives
on Blogtalk Radio
Debbie Thomas-Brown
CEO South Florida Connects
Guest on Straight Wives
on Blogtalk Radio
Listen to internet radio with STRAIGHT WIVES on Blog Talk Radio
Crisis Care
Suicide Is Final..GET HELP!
Crisis: The sudden discovery or honest disclosure of a spouse that he/she is gay/bisexual can cause a real crisis. Even if a straight spouse knew that their spouse is gay/bisexual, if the gay spouse suddenly wants a divorce, that can trigger a crisis.
If you are in 'shock', 'you are dazed' 'feeling overwhelmed', 'feeling suicidal', 'stunned', or in 'disbelief', 'you are terrified', 'feel like your whole world is falling apart', you are in crisis.
Everyone handles their crisis in different ways. Some people have great coping skills, while others have difficulty coping. Reach out to someone else if you feel the situation is unbearable. You do not have to deal with this alone.
Statistics Concerning Mixed Orientation Couples
Statistics Concerning Mixed Orientation Couples
Mixed orientation couples means that one spouse is either gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.
It is estimated that there are up to 2-4 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network,
"When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately;
Another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce;
The remaining third try to make their marriages work.
A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years."
The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics:
Mixed orientation couples means that one spouse is either gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.
It is estimated that there are up to 2-4 million mixed orientation couples. According to Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network,
"When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately;
Another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce;
The remaining third try to make their marriages work.
A half of these couples divorce, while half of them (17% of the total) stay together for three or more years."
The Family Pride Coalition compiled the following statistics:
- 20 percent of all gay men in America are in a heterosexual marriage.
- 50 percent of all gay men in America have fathered children.
- 40 percent of all lesbians in America are married to a male partner.
- 75 percent of all lesbians have children.
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